When It's Over, It's Over: A Life and Death Decision

"Who gets to decide when it's over?" asked Peggy, a young, law clerk, who was appalled at a young mother's decision to disconnect the life support system of her child, who had been hit by a car driven by a hit and run driver.

"When it's over, it's over," replied Stanford, one of the senior law partners for the large firm handling her case. "There is usually no doubt about it."

The young mother had been devastated when the doctors advised her that her six-year old child showed no signs of brain activity, twenty-four hours after the tragic accident. Not knowing her legal rights in this kind of a situation, she had consulted the law firm. The mother knew that she was in a very difficult position, as she was the one who would have to take the responsibility for this decision. Apparently, her husband refused to be involved in any way. She did not attempt to explain her husband's reluctance to participate in the decision making process.

Following the funeral, Peggy decided to pay a brief visit to her on behalf of the law firm, and to drop off some flowers. She rang the doorbell. It took a while before anyone came to the door. Peggy was just about to leave the flowers on the doorstep and call her later to make certain that she found them, when the child's mother opened the door and greeted her.

In the background, Peggy could hear a young child screaming. 

"Does she have another child? That may or may not be a good thing." Peggy decided. 

Just then, the father came out of the child's bedroom and yelled at his wife.

"It's your fault! If you had been a better mother..."

"Not now," replied the mother. "We will talk about this later."

"It is already too late!" he screamed, as he left the room.

"I am sorry," said the young mother. "This has been a very difficult time for everyone."    

It was obvious that he had been drinking heavily.

"Thank you for the flowers," the mother said, quietly. "He is right, I should have kept a closer watch on my child, but he is the drunk driver who hit our child with his car, and now he has to live with it. I don't know if he will be able to do that."

Several months later, the mother came into the office and asked how to go about filing for a divorce.

"Things have continued to deteriorate in our marriage," the mother confided in her. "Now I am concerned about the safety of our other child. His life may be in danger too, especially if his father decides to take him somewhere else."

Peggy understood, but knew that there were other options for them than getting a divorce. Maybe counseling would be a viable option, as well as a first step in the right direction. 

"Our firm could help you to explore other options before proceeding with a divorce," she suggested, gently.

"That is not likely," the mother replied. "My husband is in hiding somewhere and he appears to have left the country. When it's over, it's over."