Let's Just Start Over: Starting Over With Unconditional Love

"Starting over is not easy," said Tricia to Tess, her mother. "I trusted him. How could I let him do this to me again? I am supposed to start over a second time. You tell me how!"

Tess was concerned about her daughter's anger and difficulty coping with the reality that her husband had left again. "You can do it," replied Tess, who was familiar with tragedy in her own life. "I remember my mother telling me exactly the same thing."

"But I am not strong like you, or Grandma," said Tricia tearfully, as she wiped away the flood of tears that burst forth. "I don't know how to survive on my own."

"You will never be alone, dear," Tess assured her, but she also knew loneliness was something Tricia would have to learn to cope with. 

She hugged Tricia, but did not say anything further. "It breaks my heart to see my only daughter suffering like this."

No one knew where Darcy had gone, or why he had left. It was not the first time he had done this to Tricia, as he had disappeared previously and returned home eighteen months later, with no explanation. Tricia still had no idea where he had been and he was not about to tell her either.

"Let's just start over," he had said to her, then. Thankful that he had returned, she agreed. While he was away, Tricia had learned about unconditional love from her mother and grandmother, but she knew it was not going to be easy the second time around.

"How do I continue to have unconditional love for a man who keeps on leaving me?"

For that question, there were no easy answers.

"Love the sinner, but hate the sin," her mother and grandmother had insisted.

"Darcy, I am not going to make things easy for you this time," Tricia vowed silently. "I love you, but you cannot keep doing this to me. I am a person who has a right to have a happy life, too."

Determined to take positive action, Tricia got up early, located her high school credits and registered at the local college in a counseling program. Her mother and grandmother had graciously agreed to assist her financially. They were amazed at the way she was responding to this devastating situation. The last time Darcy took off, Tricia had spent most of her time hidden under a veil of tears in her apartment, or going out to look for him which turned out to be an exercise in futility.

"Not again," she told herself. "It was a waste of time then. This time, I am going to get on with my life." 

Tricia joined a single, separated or divorced social group at her church. She was stunned to see how many others were in a similar predicament.

"Here, we simply start over," said Margaret, the elderly, social coordinator. "It does not matter how many times we have to start over. We can do it again and again, if we have to."

Shortly thereafter, Tricia met an exciting and interesting man named Doug, also enrolled in her counseling program. They were about the same age. His story was just as tragic and he was just as devastated because his wife had left him for the fourth time. He decided to file for a divorce.

"Darcy may not come back either," he said to Tricia gently. "Even if he does, he may not stay for very long."

Tricia and Doug enjoyed coffee and donuts together after class, every week throughout their counseling program. Together, they talked openly and freely about their futures.

"I have always wondered what I did wrong," Doug said to her.

"Me too," replied Tricia. "I don't think that we are the ones with the problem though."

"You may be right."

Over time, Tricia and Doug made plans to build their future together. Tricia and Doug graduated and both found jobs with the same firm. Their pathways were heading the same direction and they were happy. Darcy never did return, so Tricia obtained a divorce too. Doug's divorce was final. 

"Unconditional love," thought Tricia, as she walked down the aisle to marry Doug, several years later.

"Let's just start over," Doug whispered to her. "I love you."